SCRIPT FOR A FILM BASED ON "Ama"

In September, 1998 the African Arts Foundation, based in California, announced a competition for "feature length screenplays . . . based on African themes and characters."

"The scripts," it was stated, "will be judged on the basis ofauthenticity of African locales, storytelling ability, originality, structure,character development and dialogue. In addition, at least sixty percent of thesubmitted screenplay to have African content and setting."

There was little time. I knew nothing about the technique of screenwriting but ... what the hell: I had authentic locales, a story, structure, characters anddialogue. It took me four years to write AMA, just two weeks to turn it into some kind of script. Needless to say, I didn&apos:t win a prize, not even an honorable mention; but below after the commentaries, and just in case anyone is interested, is the opening sequence. The full script, somewhat revised, can be downloaded free of charge by registering at http://www.triggerstreet.com/

One or two reviewers at that site panned it, but five, reproducedbelow,  had kinder words.

Fascinatingdetail, but needs a dramatic arc by jenniferleareed

Ama is the fascinating,well-researched story of an African woman torn from her village and successivelytraded as a slave until she reaches Brazil. I have never seen anything likethis, and found the intra-African slave trade and its history to beilluminating. The only problem, and for a screenplay it's pretty significant, isthe lack of a dramatic arc. That's not to say Ama isn't filled with action anddrama -- it is. It's just that there's no sense of what Ama wants (sometimes sheseems very content in her role as slave) and she just seems to move from sceneto scene as time passes, enduring a lot of really bad stuff, until she's an oldwoman. If freedom is an elusive goal, what other, little goals, does she have?At one point not working in the cane field is one, and on board Love of Libertyshe organizes a mutiny. But even the latter just seems to be another scene, nota climatic turning point. My suggestion is that Manu sticks with this script --it could turn out REALLY good -- and get some books on the dramatic structure ofa screenplay. A little tweaking, and it could be a very strong contender

African girl resisting slavery bykwjewitt 

I can't believe that the film rights to this well-praisednovel haven't been bought already! Very well-meaning, apparently well-researchedand censors nothing. Nicely conveys the complexity of the journey out of Africaand the way in which apparent security can be snatched away. However, it's adifficult subject area in many ways - not the least being that no happy endingcan work. Roots worked, because of the tie-in with genealogical research, andthe blend of light and shade. Amistad went for an easy option of mutating intocourtroom drama. Beloved flopped big time, in spite of literary pedigree. Itwould be hugely expensive to film, a big big gamble. I feel that if it's goingto work the punters must fall in love with Ama: but do we know her well enough?The script reads rather like a novel at times: it's panoramic, with lots ofcharacters and mightbe better suited to a TV adaptation in several parts. The art ofinventing dialogue in 17th-18th century language is very tricky: perhaps a readthrough might be useful. I wonder about the violence and rape scenesrecurring throughout the film. When all's said and done, people will only wantto see this if it works as "triumph of the human spirit".

Quite an undertaking byRonnie A

This is quite an undertaking. An epic tale that takes youthrough a look at may of the various societies guilty of slavery. I thought itsucceeded quite well. The dialoguewas a bit long in parts and at times perhaps a little awkward. But withsome trimming and polishing this could be filmed. I did think that this mightprove to be written in a novelistic style as the notes make it obvious it is anauthor adapting his own work. The formatting, except for the dialogue at times,is accurate. The writer might want to consider havingthe script read aloud to hone the speeches.

Agood, solid story with excellent research by bonobo

Some of the descriptive paragraphs are too long, though thedetail is good. Some of the formatting is off, making readability an issue.You don't put the character list in the slug line. Splitdialogue needs a new character heading and a (cont'd). Research work isexcellent, shows you did your homework. Good use of adjectives for description.The dearth of new and strange names are hard to keep up with. I realize this isa cultural issue.The amount of dialogue reads like a stage play. A lot of the story is told inthe dialogue. Much of it could have been told in the description. Theamount and severity of the rapescenes may be authentic but they're coming off as exploitative. Overall,it's a good story that needs to be told. Learning proper screenplay format wouldmake the script more readable. If you shortenand reduce the descriptive paragraphs you would also make reading a loteasier. This script is definitely worth editing and rewriting. 

Way too much detail by:jmanders

This is a rather compelling story.Its problem lies in paying so much attentiion to incidental details, that thestory is lost in the mix. Using the proper names for body wraps and head pieces,and tools and such, as well as the nicknames, titles, and appellations of everyperson involved in the story, made it very difficult to keep up. For so manythings to be out of a reader's ken, makes it difficult for us to identify withwhat's going on. The actual actions of the story and the horrible things thatbefell Ama are interesting, but that's where the focus needs to be, not on thecorrect terminology to describe an eighteenth century toothbrush. Also, I havenever seen so many lenghty monologues in one script. And I felt that some of thewords and comments used by a number of uneducated characters were a bit toosage. Case in point, Hatcher reflecting on Ama's viewpoint toward her"oppressors." Also, there were a few too many characters with littlein the way of introduction. Your structure is sound, and the concept intriguing,but a rewrite is in order. I would also recommend addressing some of the leapsin time. The tranistion from ship to shore after Ama's eye-loss was jolting. Asa title, "Ama" would do just fine

Here is theintroduction.

	TEXT

1772. Asante conquers Dagbon and exacts an annual tribute of 500 slaves.

	Yakubu

What are you two up to? Abdulai is impatient.

	Damba

Tell him we are searching. Don't you see the pot on the fire? They could be hiding.

	Issaka

There is nothing here.

	Damba

Wait.

	Damba

Ah, what have we here?

	Abdulai

Issaka, Damba. If there is no one . . .

	Abdulai

What have we here?

	Abdulai

What have we here?

	Abdulai

Get out of here.

	Abdulai

Now let's have some fun together, shall we?

	Nandzi

You beast. You filthy pig.

	Abdulai

I don't hear your language, my darling, but I am sure that those are words of love.

	Abdulai

Issaka! Damba!

	Abdulai

Remove this child.

Now get out. Get out!

	Abdulai

(in pain)

You bitch. You filthy, verminous bitch. I will teach you to trifle with Abdulai. I will teach you. Remember me. My name is Abdulai. General Abdulai.

	Nandzi

(Screams in pain.)

	Abdulai

Damba. Collect the loot and take this hussy back to the camp. Let's get out of here. This place gives me the spooks.

Interesting link: http://www.qemovies.com